Here It Is 4am

Here it is 4am & I'm sitting in bed still awake..
Trust me I've tried going to sleep but I sit here cuz of acid reflex & a heavy heart..
I feel so lost I don't know what to do..
I've prayed to God yet times he doesn't answer right away so I sit here waiting to be comforted
My heart is in pain & don't like it.

So much is going on I don't know what to do.

Maybe I shouldn't have stopped my counseling/therapy yet really I felt we weren't going anywhere since most of the things were on my end to apply to my life. I know I'm working on it..
I went & got on depression medicine.. I'm not "giving in" & doing things I don't really wanna do or have time to do.. Most things I'm not letting get to me & bring me down (example things people have said/done in the past especially those past 2008)
I'm still working on a lot but I know it's not a "BAM" instant fix
I'm still very insecure & self-conscious about my looks & how others see me but who wouldn't being 300+lbs

I do know that inside I am beautiful person but It's hard when I look at my outside & I see what I see a very gross big bloob.

It's just tonight.. how can I believe what people say when I see what I saw??